Sorry for neglecting y'all for so long. Looks like I have started a new blog to go along with this new chapter in my life. This blog has been a great way to chronicle the past three years but it's time to move on a bit. So if you still want to read what I've got to say or look at too many instagram pictures, head over to my new little spot This Must Be The Place.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
It's almost 2am and I'm laying in bed with nine million thoughts racing through my head. This is a common thing in my life but it is especially common recently. The second that I think about how my apartment will be empty in a month and that I'm going to have to leave here and move on to who the hell knows what, a gigantic lump appears in my throat and my brain gets all hot.
While I have to admit school-wise this quarter has been a mixture of boring and uninspiring, i'm totally thankful that my last months here have been this way. The past ten weeks have been hard emotionally because where I am right now is not where I thought I would be if you asked me months ago. I had this whole other idea of where I was going once I was done with SCAD and when that idea revealed itself as being not a great one, this whole other part of life emerged. I went from being in a relationship, feeling like I had everything perfectly mapped out and ready for me and frankly, feeling old, to feeling like I had no idea what was next, and feeling completely my age. And it's been fun. And totally scary and weird.
I keep going back to the songs I listened to when I first moved to Savannah, and what I wrote about it (here, here, here and especially here.) and what I was doing and what has been happening over the past three years. I suppose it's normal to do that when a chapter is coming to a close. I'm just at a place where I feel comfortable being here again. I'm present. I've been building better relationships with the people i've known here and even meeting new friends. Why now? Why when I have to pack it all up and hit the road and head off into that big weirdo post-college sunset? It's the first time in my Real Person (well, almost real person) life where I don't truly know what is next.
What is for certain is that I have to kiss this all goodbye and I don't feel ready. I don't want to say goodbye to my apartment that I put my heart & soul into. Or the street that I live on that I used to wander around when I first moved here, dreaming about what it would be like to wake up there everyday. I don't want to not be able to walk around the cobblestone streets, listening to music, getting my favorite coffee and still feeling obsessed with the beautiful architecture and mossy trees. I don't want to say goodbye to my friends and familiar faces or nights out at the same places that I was once sick of but now have fallen in love with again. I don't want to say goodbye to my favorite secret low-country driving routes I go on to clear my head, with a fountain soda in the cupholder, mix CDs blasting with the windows down. I just don't want to get on that plane at the end of March knowing that I don't have a home here anymore.
Is anyone ever ready to suck it up and move on? Change is hard. The unknown is hard. I just have to feel confident that whatever is to come will be just as good, or better. And it can be a new cool chapter that I'll cry about closing one day years from now, just like I'm doing now.
These days, I find myself sticking to my old favorite of wearing 85% black..all of the time. However, the days when that's not happening, i'm in some sort of immature print. We're talkin' polka dots, foxes, kittens, birds, floral, hearts. Whatever, ya know? I find myself prying my hands off of polka dot products every day, fearing that I will spontaneously combust due to dot overload. Could this be a sign of my refusal to fully deal with the fact that I'm going to be a Full Fledged College Graduate Adult in about three weeks? Hell no because polka dots and fun prints know no age. However, showing up to a family event wearing an outfit that was extremely similar to the one my eight year old niece was wearing might be a sign that I need to re-evaluate my print choices.
Here are some of my favorite printed frocks from ModCloth which, in case you haven't heard, is an online mecca of all things adorable & pretty.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
1. trip to anthro 2. my cozy nj bedroom 3. magazines,fur,coffee,airport 4. my new favorite flowers
Lately there is a lot of change occurring but also a lot of feeling stagnant. Does that make sense? Probably not, but that's okay. School is school, feeling less and less motivated as the days go on. I'm on my way out, there's even a "for rent" sign living outside of my beloved apartment. My foot is halfway out the door but I'm looking forward to really having fun and soaking in Savannah for the next month and a half. I love this little city so much, the thought of leaving my apartment makes my heart literally sink. So I want to give this chapter in my life the right 'close'. It was really a beautiful time and I've gotta end it on a good note.
Last week I chopped my hair off and though I miss my long hair, it feels good to get rid of a good portion of it. "Just get it off me" was kind of my attitude toward it. It was just very THERE and not doing any good for me. I felt it had too much of the past two months' worry leftover in it and it was starting to show. So bye. Also, i've become a full fledged lipstick and nail polish collector/obsessor. And today? Scored big at the Jason Wu section of Target. This weekend I was in NJ and stopped in the Target there and EVERYTHING was gone. Savannah's Target had basically everything and I snagged my favs. Polka dots, pink, navy, bows GALORE.
February...take your time, okay? I got some things to savor for a bit.