Monday, July 20, 2009

me time.

Throughout this blog, I rarely post personal photos. So here are a bunch of random ones from different times (around the past two years or so. lots of different hair styles, try and find me.) with different people, places and memories that make me pretty happy. There's a lot more where this came from but hey. maybe another time.

I've been ultra nostalgic lately, it's either because I'm a neurotic, paranoid freak or because I'm home with (some) time on my hands and everything around here reminds me of events and people from the past. Both good and bad. Last night and into this morning I had the most vivid, sad, and frightening dream about this guy I 'dated' my senior year of high school. I met him towards the spring, he was a senior in college, and the few times we were together we seemed to bring out the worst/best in each other. I liked him but he was so much older and 'cooler' than me (and also kind of spooky, im just being honest ya'll..)and I was too drunk and young to even attempt to make this 'thing' work between us. It was what it was and it ended pretty quick, blah blah blah. tears on my pillow, right? not really but that gives it a more teen-drama effect.

ANYWAY, in the dream, he died and I felt so heartbroken. It was such a horrible dream that literally never ended! As soon as I woke up, I googled him to make sure he was still alive. He is, and has a great job at a fancy restaurant in NYC. Good for him, I just had to make sure he wasn't dead. I wonder what would happen if I ever saw him again. It's funny how the most random people show up out of nowhere when you least expect it. He 'broke my heart' (or so i thought. ) and I wound up dating his friend a year later (oops?) He contacted me a couple times last summer and all of his messages were quite ominous, like he was just a lost soul, saying the most odd things. Seems like he now found himself a nice little career and life.

It's funny how people, feelings and all of that change in only a year or two, although it feels like 10 years. And how someone who could only be in your life for 2 months could spark a dream 2 years later that affects your whole day and makes you want to make sure that person is okay. I wonder who the hell has dreams about me, googles me to 'see if i'm okay', and comes across Zero. Every time I google myself it's always about old women named Sarah dying in 1898 or some tv producer. Unless he googles me, finds this, and then it could get weird.

this song is one of those songs I have on repeat for hours and get anxiety that I'll get sick of it one of these days. Has not happened yet, luckily.

ps: i will be gone the rest of the week. meeting my friends in boston then roadtripping to vermont til sunday!