i'm officially a woman now because i'm currently having a love affair with a pair of shoes.
that's right, not a human being, definitely not a man. a fucking pair of gladiator sandals from urban outfitters i purchased for $20. if any of you have bought shoes (on sale) from urban, you most likely found them in a huge pile of different types of shoes that resemble a pile of bones in some sort of creepy medieval painting. this pile usually attracts a bunch of sweaty, overwhelmed, purchase-thirsty women shoppers (or maybe that's just me...) and it's basically war to find your size, and once you do..there is some sort of chip or damage done to what you've found.
i found these guys, tried them on quickly, and bought them...scared that they would make my legs look even weirder and shorter than they already are but guess what! they dont! well, i don't think they do atleast? whatever! i feel great in them. so i'm going to need to purchase another pair immediately because i can already see that the one or two original chips in the straps have turned into thousands of chips and cracks. fuck! i'm getting post traumatic stress flashbacks to this winter when my favorite thrift store boots literally disintegrated off my feet in the snow and ice while i was drunk and almost made me cry. i still haven't gotten over it.
i was like a baby who had a lollipop and then some sort of bully or seagull swooped down and stole it from my hands. my face had such pure sadness and shock that a boy even said "i feel so bad. i just want to make someone open a salvation army right now (at 3am) and buy you a new pair". ( this was probably because i wouldn't stop moaning and whining about them. he also probably wanted to murder me but couldn't..legally and all.) The sad fact is that it was a one-of-a-kind, 1980's old woman pair of flat boots that fit perfectly and poof. literally turned into dust.
i'm still convinced the previous owner was involved in some sort of forest fire while wearing them. oh well RIP. maybe they are keeping Michael Jackson company in the afterlife.