Thursday, February 12, 2009

lately, my friends have become fans of the story of when I was a child, I was obsessed with mini vans. I always wanted my mom or dad to get one but they hated the idea.

See, my parents had a bunch of kids before me and by the time I came around, they were totally over the whole "omg we're new parents, we have to get the mini van and go to the soccer game and wear fanny packs" thing, and that mortified me at the time.

I always thought strange things like,"mom, why can't you have a million key chains that rattle around on your keys like all the other moms?" or "why aren't you wearing a turtleneck under a hoodless cotton sweatshirt with holiday embroidery on it like so & so's mom?", and lastly "why can't i get the purple lion king sweatsuit with nala on it from Bradlees?"

now i look back and thank the fucking lord that my parents are just the way they are. seriously. they are/were good parents. Now that I'm a real person, I'm so glad that my parents weren't frazzled, weirdo parents like alot of my classmates' from elementary school. And ultimately, I'm happy that my Mom didn't have those millions of key chains on her keys (who gets jealous of that or even notices it, anyway?) or wear fannie packs to class trips chock full of bandaids, bug spray, coupons and probably more keychains. But yeah okay, onto the mini van story.

One day in first grade, my mom was driving me to school and told me she had a surprise for me when I got home and that i'll be really excited. So, the whole day I had convinced myself that once I came home, my parents would have a new, beautiful mini van just waiting in the driveway. I thought about it all day and even drew a picture of it in crayon when we had free time. Once the day was over, I see my Mom pull up in her Jeep Cherokee, but I was still not convinced that the dream wasnt coming true. We then pull into the driveway. No mini van. "WHAT WAS THE SURPRISE!?" i asked her. "Oh, we're going to pizza hut for dinner." she replied. That was the surprise.

The mini van fantasy was forgotten for the rest of the night due to the fact that i was never allowed to have Pizza Hut. So..whatever, I dealt with the letdown nicely while sitting on the red leather sweat stained booth seats of the HuT, browing through the BOOK IT catalogue I bet.

A couple months later, it was pretty rough when our crazy neighbors got a newpurple mini van, with tan leather interior and a door that slid open from the KEYCHAIN, and their kids had to rub it in my face. So for that, fuck you neighbors. The dream has all together vanished, along with my soul.

So i guess ya win some, lose some, and then win some more (meaning the Pizza Hut. total win, i must say.) I doubt my Mom even remembers it, but everyone else seems to be gettin' a kick out of it. And like Mother like Daughter, when my kid begs me to get something as retarded as a mini van, I will say no too.