Do you ever go to get your eyebrows waxed at a cheap asian nail salon? Actually, scratch that. Do you ever go there, in general, and hear them speak in their languages and just KNOW they are laughing at you? I mean, they even did an episode on Seinfeld of this. Everyone feels that way.
Since I have pre-pubescent boy nails and never get any manicures/pedicures (i'd rather spend the 20 something dollars on something else and tell myself i'll just soak my feet in the tub or something. Frugalista!), i always spend the 8 dollars at asian nail salons to get my eyebrows waxed. It's cheap and they do such a great job. And let's face it, this happens like once every two weeks. If I didn't keep up with it, i'd become Sandy Cohen VERY fast. I accept it. I embrace it. It's me. Hear me roar, take me as I am, blah blah blah.
WELL. Every time I get them done, the tiny asian ladies who complete this adventurous task always have something to say. "WOW" or "EEEEEK This will take while." Today was nothing like I have ever experienced though. It was as if I walked into this joint covered in dirt, with leaves in my hair, walking straight out of an ad for Evolution. And let me add, I have had quite a journey being able to accept these things on my face. Teased all the time by little gel haired douchebags as soon as i hit grammar school. "WhY ArE YoUr EyeBrOWs WeIrD". Fuck off, kid!
My Mom never let me touch them because she thought it was cute that they were getting out of control. Not. Cute. I then decided to take matters into my own hands at the age of 13 and gave myself a good case of the "tough & misshaped white trash brows". Soon, they were fixed and I decided to embrace it. They weren't going anywhere. Now I kind of like them.
Back to the nail ladies. Basically, they were appalled and in fact HUMORED by my eyebrows. I could just tell. It took two of them to do it. Two? Really? Yeah. One did this TREACHEROUS task on my UNRULY facial feature while the other put her face one inch from mine, making complete eye contact with me, watching every step. Maybe she was trying to figure out how a human could have dark eyebrows? I really don't know? I felt like a freak show! But also had to control my laughter. After this was complete, they almost let a sigh of relief as if they had just climbed an incredibly dangerous snow covered mountain without food or drink for days. They weren't even that bad! Come on! I paid my 8 dollars and basically ran out of the place.
Whatever! At least I don't have tiny slutty eyebrows! Take that, nail ladies.
(photos = my favorite bushy-browed-model Hilary Rhoda.)
