Monday, January 18, 2010

as i've mentioned on here previously, my grandmother madeline passed away this weekend. i'm home in nj/ny for the wake today & funeral tomorrow. i know she didnt even know I had a blog or what a blog was, but I just want to use this as another way to say 'rest in peace', and that i love her & will miss her.

she was always there for me growing up & i regret so much that I had not seen her regularly during the past four years (she was in a nursing home/i was away at school) She was a wonderful person who really showed me how independent and strong one woman can be even into her 90's. Never complained about her life or what she had went through/was going through & was always good at having fun & dancing when she had the chance. She was too intelligent & headstrong to be stuck in a nursing home and I hope wherever she is now, she is free. I am not a religious person and I do not pray to a God or Jesus but when I do need guidance or to 'vent' or cry to something/someone not on this earth, I tend to speak out to loved ones who have passed away. This always helps me and I consider those that I speak to my own personal 'angels' and now I have one more angel up there. Maybe a little cheesy Hallmark sounding but it's something that comforts me.

my mom told me how when I was little, my grandma madeline would always give me a savings bond or something like that but would always give it to me in a tiny purse of some sort, that i would carry around like most little girls do. my mom says that probably helped spark my love for all things handbags/purses since she was the first person to ever give me them & make a theme of it. I also remember her always carrying a tiny psychedelic flowery looking 1970's suitcase that she always referred to as her 'grip'. Last year, my friend Mary & I were thrifting and Mary came upon a bag identical to Grandma Madeline's "grip" & it was so cute and such a coincidence.

Just like my other grandmother, I wish so much that the two of them could have gotten to know me as a young woman and not just a little girl. I wish they could know who I am now & realize that the two of them had a lot to do with who I am as a woman. I just hope that they are up there guiding me somehow and helping me do the right things because they were quite good at living their lives. Grandma, I will really miss you and thank you for being who you were.