Thursday, July 16, 2009

my first real crush

I'm not sure what exactly was in my formula as a baby but there has been something inside of me from the very beginning that has an obsession for everything and anything crime or any tale of doom. maybe all little kids have some sort of fascination with scary, 'darker' things because it's what every human thinks of whether they are big or small. they can be in your nightmares or just in your brain, just lingering..."what if....".

When you're little, your parents always hush you back to sleep, telling you there is nothing to worry about when you get scared about a scary kidnapper, or even if you had a dream you were on a sinking boat . So naturally, when you first hear that such ghoulish things do exist, it's only human nature to be interested in it. Although I have met people who literally could not give a shit about anything like that, in fact they completely shut it off as if it doesn't exist. I, on the other hand, love reading and learning about pretty morbid things. I'll admit it. I'll also admit, i'm always scared. Make sense? I duunnoo.

ANYWAY. I can't remember the first time I was ever told about the Titanic, but for whatever reason, it became this obsession. This was sometime after my huge interest in Anne Frank and the Holocaust (what? you mean you didn't take library books out about Auschwitz when you were little? Oh.......) , but it was definitely around the time I first watched the movie the Poseidon Adventure with my grandma. I came home and it was always on my mind. "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!? I DONT UNDERSTAND. IT WAS SO SCARY. I HATE BOATS MOM WHAT IS GOING ON"..and I feel like that is when I learned about the Titanic. Somewhere in that era. It was true love. I decided I wanted to know every little detail about it, and I did just that. This was before the movie even came out, so you can imagine my excitement when I found out that not only a movie was being made but LEO was starring in it. 7 year old baby swoon. (fuck it. 20 year old swoon! L.Dicapz is still a babe.)

So, after years of being jealous that the Titanic exhibit was in another country or I had missed it when it came to town, I finally got to go yesterday. It was really so great. Unfortunately, I knew pretty much everything they had to tell us but nothing beats seeing the beautiful yet tragic artifacts left behind upclose and personal. Gorgeous jewelry that once laid on the neck of a doomed passenger, stamps & postcards, top hats, porcelain dishes, and even bottles of perfume that they say still has a scent. It was amazing to see of this with my eyes, every crack and spot, knowing that in 1912, this was someone's possession. Now it is on display for millions to see, and before the bottom of the ocean. Life is weird.