Tuesday, June 16, 2009

since tonight is the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I have decided to dedicate a post to these head bitches in charge. Yeah an entire post, i'm so generous since clearly I have better and more intellectual things to talk about. You know, like Friedrich Nietzsche, the economy, the war and existentialism. The usual topics of this blog. So i'm sorry, i'm going to dumb it down a little. I know you'll understand. (i had to google how to spell Nietzsche)

okay so, i am from new jersey. born & raised, live by the beach, spend summers with the sea air, like a good ol' springsteen song. all that shit. i really have zero complaints about where I live because although the state is so teensy tiny, it has so much to offer. The beach, beautiful farms, an hour and a half away from both New York City (with the skyline in the distance ) and Philadelphia, tons of great places to live and shop, millions of malls and diners, the list goes on and on. So when I moved outside of this NJ bubble, I realized how much shit people give this state. I'm talking..people who hail from the most disgusting rural PA towns where all there is to do is go to Walmart & drink in the woods, making fun of New Jersey. It makes no sense? I have never had the complaint of having nothing to do but go to Walmart in my entire life.

People are close minded and think Jersey girls are just bimbos with tons of hair spray, gelled haired muscle boyfriends, long nails and horrible fashion sense. The reason for that is because that is how it is always portrayed. NJ is the big joke on everything from MTV (True Life: Jersey Shore. COME ON.), and now Bravo but you know what...I support it.

The Real Housewives series on Bravo is my favorite guilty pleasure in the world. It's my drug of choice, it's my favorite secret can of hairspray, it's my glitter eye shadow & hot pink nail polish. It's perfect. The cheesiest crumbliest form of humans with gaudy homes, husbands and wardrobes. Let me break down the characters.

Dina- she is my woman-crush. She is so beautiful and often makes me feel gay. She's just livin life so good with her husband who is kind of just a ghost/doesnt exist on the show, her daughter that reminds me of 95% of the girls i went to school with when I was younger, and her awful hairless cat. Her house has too much going on decor-wise, but i won't hold that against her.
Caroline- Simply an angel with obnoxious children (except Albee who i wanted to roll my eyes at but ultimately drool at) Dina's sister & they are married to brothers who own the Brownstone which is a banquet hall in North Jersey. Fact: their father in law was found murdered by the Gambino Crime family in the 1980's.
Teresa- Italian glitter princess trophy wife with three unreal cartoon like dauwtas (daughters.) with big bows, tiny purses and lip glaws (gloss.) she is an angel too with her "delicious and juicy" (her words, not mine) husband Joe and their monsterous mansion that was most likely bought with blood money, just sayin.
Danielle- just go on perez hilton or people magazine or whatever to read about this freakshow. She's a dalmation with lip stick and fake boobs and makes for perfect television.
Jaqueline- boring but nice. dumb, but nice. i want to slap her daughter.

I think i hit on everything. Tonight is the season finale and Teresa flips over a table. Sometimes having a very Small social life at the moment is a blessing in disguise so I can be a fan of things like this, ya know? What am I going to do when I start doing cool things again & start getting busy with school? Do i...neglect cheesy television? What kind of a person would I be?