Monday, January 19, 2009

& if you don't love me, let me go

today i woke up all frazzled (picture this) and out of sorts due to the fact that my alarm clock did not go off in time. it didnt make that much of a difference but I hopped on the shuttle to campus and spent the day with my friends. eating at good ol' connertons for lunch, as usual, talking about disgusting things and then heading to the scranton area for a day of destiny's child songs, boys, snow, ice cream, "horses" and just plain girlfun.

the plus side to my heart becoming slowly but surely like stone, is that i've realized just how important relationships with your girlfriends are. i've always known it but i'm not sure I always made it a main focus until now. for my entire life, my female friends outnumbered male friends but always in the back of my mind I wished for some kind of wonderful guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. sometimes they did, sometimes they didnt. sometimes those 'cool guys' turned out to be not so cool. sometimes they were cool. you win some, you lose some. no one wants to be lonely of course, but the ultimate form of lonliness is the kind where you don't even have your friends to count on.

girlfriends, good ones that is, will always fucking be there for you in some shape or form. sometimes words dont even have to be exchanged. simply driving around aimlessly listening to the best music, eating disgusting food, watching cheesy TLC shows about babies/little people, or getting drunk off cheap alcohol, saying whatever we want, not giving a shit is the perfect escape. my friends always know how to put a smile on my face when i need it the most.

i can safely say that aside from my family (mainly my mom) i have about five girl friends that I know i can call and cry to, and they will listen to me and care. after hearing so many horror stories about bad boyfriends, or just guys who are complete creeps and liars using these wonderful girls, i don't miss any of it, nor do i look forward to it happening again in the future. but ya know what? who needs it? not now. not when i know i can just hop in a car with my friends, talk about beastality, bad proms, watch bad TV and not give a shit about who is or is not texting, or wanting to date us because who the fuck cares after awhile. I feel like i'm a Beyonce lyric but it's all becoming apparent to me. things become clear and freeing when you least expect it to.

no one wants the crazy obsessive girl, but sometimes no one at the moment wants the normal cool girl either. so you gotta' have a million other things to rely on than some dude.