Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I constantly refer to the past two years before I came to Savannah in a negative way on this blog and I think it's time that I look back with a positive view. It is really that time. As much as I feel more content and happier as a person here, in this point in time, and feel that I have grown a lot...I cannot help but look back on what I learned in PA. I learned so much about what I didnt want but I also learned so much about people. Sure, I learned what I didnt want to be around but that was everything that was going on around me, but I did meet very special people whom I really miss.

There were days there where I would walk around and not want to cry. I always refer to it as being this awful place I never want to think about, because I was constantly in a cloud of my own mental mess. I felt weird, sad, rejected, uninspired, lost. All of those things. But it was not as horrible as it could have been because I found a few really wonderful and beautiful people there.

I was lucky with my first roommate, ever in my life, freshman year. Jill was a great roommate and friend and I learned so much from her. I met a couple people here and there that I could connect with but honestly VERY few. Some I met that I wished I could have connected with more. And Mary, my best friend there & second roommate, if you're reading this, I miss you a lot. I wander around here in this city every day and wish I could come back to a room with you laying there with some powerful and great thought in your head. You always had something cool and fucking smart to say every single day and I miss that. I miss our little adventures and how we could go off on tangents and discuss whatever we wanted with each other. I miss your outfits that you'd put together and waltz around with so much quirk and confidence. I don't know, if anything I regret that I have used King's College as this "bad bad memory" instead of really focusing on how lucky I was with the people I did meet. I met some pretty great ones that I wish I could see all the time still.

College living in a small liberal arts college in North Eastern America was not for me but it was so educational, mainly social wise. I made so many mistakes and did so many dumb things that I'm glad I got out of my system there instead of here. I learned from my mistakes and don't regret them. I miss laughing so hard at dinner with our disgusting, vulgar and honest conversation topics that we named "The View" cause we'd all always go off on some rant about something or discuss graphic details of things out loud because we knew none of us would judge each other. My last year there, a couple of my friends and I would get drunk before going out and have these emotional sessions where we'd cry and tell secrets to each other (if any of you guys are reading this; do you remember this? i do.) and I miss that.

I found my place (for this time in my life or maybe for longer, who knows) but I will never forget that I had pretty wonderful people in my life for those two years where I felt misplaced. You guys never made me feel misplaced, and I thank you for that.